{"id":1245,"date":"2020-02-02T13:18:55","date_gmt":"2020-02-02T13:18:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.theduff.co.uk\/?p=1245"},"modified":"2020-03-30T13:22:29","modified_gmt":"2020-03-30T13:22:29","slug":"list-answers-for-the-question-when-are-you-going-to-have-a-baby-ivf","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theduff.co.uk\/list-answers-for-the-question-when-are-you-going-to-have-a-baby-ivf\/","title":{"rendered":"When people ask, \u201cWhen are you going to have a baby?\u201d<\/strong> here’s what you can tell them"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

WHEN I WAS FIRST ASKED, “WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE A BABY?” <\/strong>by a person who had no business asking (which is basically anyone), I think I just murmured something like \u201cErrr, HA! Yeah errrr OK. Not sure.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The second time, I said, \u201cHmmm, mmmm, yeah. Anyway\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had a KILLER response for the third time: \u201cWell we\u2019ve actually been trying for ages, but it turns out we've been aiming for the wrong hole.\u201d I was never able to use it, though, because no one bloomin\u2019 asked me again. Damn damn damn!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Missed-opportunity-for-brilliant-comeback aside, I was lucky to be subjected to that question only a couple of times \u2013 but I\u2019ve heard from gozens (less than a gazillion, more than a dozen) of readers whose lives are constantly made miserable by the plonkers around them who just don\u2019t realise how insensitive they\u2019re being.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you ask me, these people need to learn that their questions are invasive, presumptuous and rude. If you agree, you\u2019ll love the first set of responses below \u2013 which intend to put them firmly in their place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re above all that and just want to get out of the conversation as quickly as possible (or educate your friend\/relative without embarrassing them), you\u2019ll find potential replies to them below too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, with thanks to a variety of articles, friends and Duff readers, here\u2019s a selection of responses to the grrrsome question, \u201cWhen are you going to have a baby?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou\u2019re going to wish you hadn\u2019t asked that\u2026\u201d responses<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a bit of a personal question, don\u2019t you think? How often do you masturbate?\u201d (Admittedly you\u2019re screwed if they actually answer your question.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo idea, but I\u2019ll make sure you\u2019re the last to know when I do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know. Maybe never. Until then, you should probably stop asking me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019ll let you know when I have the answer. In the meantime, I\u2019m sure there are more important things in your own life you could be thinking about.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen you learn to mind your own business.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhy? Are you finally sick of talking about yours?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat answer could I give so that you\u2019ll stop asking?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know. How did you predict when you\u2019d have yours?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know. We might give it a go tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOn 8th July at 9.05am. Does that work for you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen people stop asking me all the time. So probably not for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI already have one, but he\u2019s quite shy and spends most of his time singing in the chimney.\u201d (Make up something absurd and weird, basically.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhy do you want to know?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure. When do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cCan I get back to you? How soon do you need to know?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe\u2019re having too much fun trying.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTonight!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAre you really<\/em> asking about my sex life with your son?\u201d [Or nephew, best friend, etc.]\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m full of semen right now, actually. Keep your fingers crossed for me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n