{"id":1495,"date":"2020-02-16T16:04:32","date_gmt":"2020-02-16T16:04:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.theduff.co.uk\/?p=1495"},"modified":"2020-07-05T15:14:21","modified_gmt":"2020-07-05T15:14:21","slug":"coping-ivf-failure","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theduff.co.uk\/coping-ivf-failure\/","title":{"rendered":"How to cope<\/strong> when IVF fails"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

IVF CAN FEEL LIKE A BEACON OF HOPE WHEN YOU'VE SPENT YEARS TRYING FOR A BABY<\/strong>. So how do you manage when that hope is dashed once more \u2013 this time after a gruelling series of scans, blood tests and haphazard hormones? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are some tips on how to cope with IVF failure, based on my own three years in The Infertility Club:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t blame yourself <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI should have cut back on caffeine.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI\u2019m such an idiot for refusing to spend fifty quid on supplements.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWHY DID NO ONE TELL ME ABOUT PINEAPPLE???\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When fertility treatment fails, the self-blame starts immediately. We look back at all the things we did or didn\u2019t do over the past few months (or years) and decide those <\/em>are the reasons we\u2019re not currently pregnant. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Truth is, if a particular round of treatment is unsuccessful, it won\u2019t be<\/a> because you forgot to go on a pomegranate bender, or that you decided to forego the full-fat milk on your cereal, or that you didn\u2019t lie still for two days after embryo transfer. Self-blame isn\u2019t the way to go: your actions had no impact on the outcome of your treatment, and you\u2019re punishing yourself for nothing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Give yourself time to grieve<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

A survey by Fertility Network UK<\/a> outlined just how distressing fertility treatment can be \u2013 particularly for those who\u2019ve experienced failed cycles. Other research by Cardiff University<\/a> notes the “intense grief”, “profound pain” and “feelings of loss, sadness and emptiness” that come from IVF failure. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And you have every right to feel devastated. You\u2019ve just been through an almighty ordeal: weeks and weeks of jabs, scans, various medical procedures and \u2013 finally \u2013 the transfer of your very own embryo. When it doesn\u2019t work, it\u2019s a reason to grieve \u2013 and don\u2019t let anyone tell you or your partner otherwise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Make the most of not being pregnant <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Throw a salami party. Go on a brie binge. Find out when your nearest booze cruise departs. You\u2019re not pregnant yet, so you may as well do all the things you (hopefully) won\u2019t be able to do soon. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s more, for the next few weeks you\u2019re free from all those pesky IVF-related appointments and injections. You don\u2019t need to listen out for the receptionist to call your name while replying to work emails \u2013 and you don\u2019t need to plan your outfits according to how quickly they can be removed for a dildocam.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Make the most of it all. Wear a catsuit to work, perhaps. Or spend your lunch break in the pub rather than the waiting room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Try to find out why your treatment didn\u2019t work <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re under 35, you have a 29% chance<\/a> of a live birth per treatment cycle (which goes down to 23% if you\u2019re between 35 and 37) \u2013 so bear that stat in mind if your treatment doesn\u2019t work, and be aware that it\u2019s far from unusual. It might also be reassuring to know that, on average, between<\/a> 15% and 30%<\/a> of young and perfectly fertile couples who aren\u2019t<\/em> doing IVF get pregnant during the first month of trying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

IVF can fail at various stages in the process: before egg retrieval, before embryo transfer, and after embryo transfer. There are many reasons why it might fail at each of these stages, and I've covered them all in my article, “Why does IVF fail? A list of possible reasons<\/a>“. You might want to read it before you meet your doctor to discuss next steps: it'll help to clarify a few things and will enable you to go to the appointment with a list of thoughts and questions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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