How to cope with loneliness when you want a baby

Two eggs becoming friends

“If you want kids, take mine… please!” 

“Don’t worry that you’re not pregnant yet: it’ll happen when you least expect it.” 

“Why go through fertility treatment if you can just adopt?” 

“I really want a girl next time. I’m so fed up with boys.”

Loneliness can reach astonishing depths when you’re struggling to conceive

If fertility problems aren’t enough to make you feel like an outsider, you also have to deal with the frequent well-meant but tone-deaf comments of people who have zero idea what you’re going through – whether you tell them what you’re dealing with or not. It’s not their fault, of course, but it can sometimes feel like a real punch in the gut. 

I experienced the loneliness firsthand. Before my successful fertility treatment (on seventh try), I can remember how alone I felt in a world full of bumps, buggies, and those so-smug-I-want-to-kill-someone “Baby on Board” stickers I’d see on every fricking car. 

In the past, it’s been SO hard to find friends in the same position

I desperately wanted to find women who understood, but I didn’t know a single person in real life who was going through fertility treatment too. There are IVF forums and Facebook groups, of course, but those sites are more about advice (and judgement) than empathy and deep understanding. 

Until recently, there was nothing that met those needs. Thankfully, that’s just changed. Big time. 

Introducing Peanut: the first app to help you connect with other women who are trying to conceive

Screenshots to show how the Peanut app works

Peanut gives women who are “fertility challenged” (my words) a chance to connect and befriend others who are going through similar experiences as you right now. 

In addition to a “message board”/IVF forum element (in which you can ask for advice and tips from other women on the platform), Peanut allows you to connect with and have personal, one-on-one conversations with other users via the app. You could even meet them in real life for a socially distanced cuppa. (Proximity is baked into the algorithm, so you’ll start by seeing profiles of people who live nearby.)  

This is what makes Peanut so different from everything else: it’s about tackling the loneliness and isolation of being the only infertile person you know. It’s about forming bonds with women who understand what you’re going through, and who may well live down the road from you. 

Profiles and chat on the Peanut app

Of course, if all you have in common is that you both live in Watford and want a baby, that might not be enough to form a through-the-ages friendship. That’s why user profiles are so helpful: every time you tap to “discover more women nearby” within the app, you’ll be able to learn more about them. You’ll see their personal bio, photos, a summary of their interests, recent posts they’ve written, and Peanut discussion “groups” they’ve joined (such as “TTC: UK”, “Lesbians TTC”, “2 week wait”, “TTC with PCOS”, “Ladies with anxiety and depression support group” and “Rainbow baby”, among others).  

Then, if you like the look of any of these profiles and want to connect, you simply “swipe up” or tap “wave” to show your interest. If they “wave” back, you can start chatting through the app. 

Peanut is new to the TTC community, but it’s already thriving

If you’ve been thinking “Hang on… ‘Peanut’ rings a bell. Isn’t that an app for mothers to meet each other?” you’d be right. Peanut began life as an app for new mothers looking to find friends – and it’s only in the past year that it’s created a community for the TTC crowd too.

And users love it…

Testimonials from happy Peanut customers

Considering Peanut is so new, there’s already an impressive number of people and activity in the fertility-focused parts of the app. And the more people the better: it gives us all a greater chance of finding and connecting with like-minded “not-yet-mums”.   

Message boards and chat on the Peanut app

So please… join Peanut and give it a go. Then please share this page with any IVF forums and groups where you think other women would be interested (so they can find out what it’s about and then join if they’re keen). 

Struggling with fertility is hard; let’s try to find friends and support each other through it

I wish I’d had something like Peanut: the loneliness of my infertility was all-consuming at times, and I’d have loved to have chatted with women who “got it”. 

If you’re feeling equally lonely right now, you have nothing to lose by trying it.